While I was out sick my co-workers were busy developing presentations, as per the Marketing Head's command. The task? Decide what theme and graphic represent you and the mission of the company for 2010.
My presentation is on January 20. As miserable as this is, I’d still choose it over puking and being puked on. In fact, that’s going to be my new barometer for 2010: Would I rather be puked on?
I spent a lot of the morning ruminating but I was having trouble shatting out a work motto. Should I go for something that's full-on kiss-ass corny? Or should I just copy something from someone else? I decided to copy. Co-worker Bill was up first. I’d let him set the bar. So I sat down at our first "theme" meeting this morning with my pen, paper, corporate zeal and waited.
Bill’s theme was “pushing through” and he chose this as his graphic element:
In total, there were 22 Powerpoint slides of enormous, phallic submarines. Oh, Bill.
Bill’s presentation and choice of action verbs (“thrust forward”, “penetrate” and—my personal favorite—“straddle,” as in “we must straddle missions to reduce workloads”) elicited snickers, guffaws and...
I think I’ve mentioned that I work mostly with women? They were not amused by Bill’s presentation. George (aka Orgy George) elected himself Official Calmer Downer but his suggestion that one woman shut her “pie hole” didn’t go over so well.
I have to admit, I wasn’t offended by the submarines. I honestly don’t think Bill understood what the problem was. And I didn’t see anywhere in the employee handbook that stated “Though shall not pair submarine graphics with verbs ripe with sexual innuendo.” It wasn't there—I checked.
After giving the matter a lot of thought, I’ve decided that I am going to copy Bill after all. His presentation did hold my attention and generate discussion, which is what the Marketing Head wanted. So I’ve chosen “Open for business” as my theme. My graphic is this:
Because marketing is a team effort. Because submarines need flowers.
Because this is what they asked of me.
Are you having that kind of week, too? Is it some kind of celestial event? Or maybe I'm just feeling better...