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About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What's next? Chuck's phone number scribbled on a bathroom stall?

So you know how I just wrote that my brother-in-law said that “men aren’t meant to be stay-at-home moms?” Well, today Larry—that’s his name, Larry—called me to say that he met someone on a plane and that after chatting the guy up, the guy said he’d hire Chuck. All Chuck has to do is send him an email.

Uh huh.

Sit back and relax as we listen in on the conversation with the plane dude, as retold by Mrs. Mullet:

Larry: “So you work in Massachusetts? That’s kind of near this place called Mulletville, right?”

Guy: “No, it’s not even close.”

Larry: “And you work for a communications company?”

Guy: “Not really.”

Larry: “That’s great. Cause I’m related to this guy Chuck. I see him at family functions a few times a year. The guy can really drink. Do you think you could hire him? Cause right now he’s a pussy stay-at-home dad and I’m worried that the next time I see him, his caring and generous nature will make me feel so small and insecure that I’ll need to call his wife and tell her that real men aren’t meant to be stay-at-home moms.”

Guy: “I see.”

Larry: “The fact that I heard him humming a Dan Fogelberg song once only confirms my darkest fears that he is sensitive. I don’t even like music, that’s how manly I am. So do you have a job for him?”

Guy: “No.”

Larry: “And your email is”

Guy: “Whatever you want. Just leave me alone.”

Larry: “Great, he’ll be in touch.”

One final note: I would never, ever move to Massachusetts. It is home to the worst drivers in the world, and if you think I am kidding, the next time someone cuts you off take a gander at his license plate (that's right: his. Men cut people off; women tailgate. It's practically law).

I'm so certain of this that if the traffic offender is not from Assachusetts, send me an email and I’ll give you $10,000,000.*

* In Monopoly money. Hello, my husband is unemployed. Did you not just read this post?


Ken @ Dad to Two said...

Even in Monopoly money that's a lot. It would definitely give me a good chance to beat my wife in monopoly the next time we played. I am totally watching out for people from MA.

Kaye said...

I love your blog! What a great read!

Stacy said...

Hey, we prefer to be called Massholes! Being that I was born and raised in that oh so wonderful state I am well aware that the worst drivers are from Mass. I now live in NH, and once lived in ME, and I can tell you from experience, MA is the worst, NH the second, and Maine (Mainiacs or Mainerds as we refer to them) are
3rd! I'm not sure what they call New Hampshire drivers, well other than profanities, and the middle finger. Very funny post!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that is just priceless...and funny...and just what I needed... :) Hilarious! :)

Frogs in my formula said...

Ken, I hope you win. All you need is the documented proof and Monopoly victory will be yours forever.


Keely said...

Even if you DID want to move to Assachussets, does taking a job from some guy some other guy met on a plane seem like a sound financial move?

No, I didn't think so. LARRY.

Pablo Guero said...

You don't get many Louisiana drivers up there in Connecticut, do you? They're the world's worst drivers.

Suzi said...

Nicely done. Very entertaining. Assachusetts, lovin' it.

Mary Moore said...

Great post.

By the way, I am pretty sure that Quebecois and Manitoban drivers are the worst drivers. Bar none. I have proof.

Sassypants Wifey said...


Dto3 said...

$10 mil in Mono bucks? That's way more than I need to buy Boardwalk AND Park Place! SCORE!!!

anymommy said...

Your version of the conversation is hilarious. Wish I could have been there to hear the real thing.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...You are wrong about MA drivers because the worse drivers ever, anywhere in the known world are all in South Florida....You can send the money to The Home For Disabled People Run Down By Florida Drivers. Thank You :)

The Transplant from CT trying desperatetly NOT to get run down by these crazed people....

Joanie said...

I thought New Jersey has the worst drivers.

FoN said...

Thank you....I needed that today!

Holly said...

Seriously, your life would be a great book. I would buy it. Then, maybe Chuck could "manage" your book signings and keep all the men who are insecure of their sexuality happy. Hilarious.

Jen said...

Men who sing Dan Fogelberg songs are pussies, especially Dan Fogelberg and I even like the one about beer drinking in the snow. Larry needs to spend a little time with the kids to learn what a tough job it really is. Staples? Wow.

ModernMommy said...

I love that your husband stays home with the kids. He seems like a great dad! There are many a day I wish my DH was a SAHD.
Why do other people always feel like they have to give there 2 cents?

Practically Joe said...

Just to clear things up ... Mass Men are cutting people off trying to put distance between us and the crazy tailgating Mass Lasses.

The Mother said...

You are right about the drivers in Massachusetts. Boston, especially.

We were driving through Boston one day, when the radio announced that Boston had the highest auto insurance rates in the world.

And since, at the time, cars were pulling past us, at 80mph, on the RIGHT SHOULDER, we knew why.

And the only way to get to the airport, apparently, is to take a left through the parking garage of the Hilton.