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About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

If you come to my home do not—I repeat DO NOT—mention the damn sea captain

How could Chuck do it?

Just the night before, his friend had stopped by and casually mentioned that she’s clairvoyant. She told me that the original owner of our 1920s home was a sea caption who couldn’t afford to keep coal in the coal bin and that that is why we have cold pockets throughout our home. She told me that his favorite room was the dining room. She said his name had a D in it and that he liked to drink.

I easily would have dismissed (ok, mocked) her observations if one of Chuck’s friend’s wives—who also claims to be clairvoyant—hadn’t said the same exact thing the day we moved into the house (there’s absolutely no way the two women know each other).

Chills. I got the damn chills. Then I looked at our New Year’s Eve pictures and saw this, from the dining room.

Do you see it? Look:

There’s a glass hovering in the window! It’s him! It’s the poor drunken sea caption raising his glass for a toast!

Even though Chuck knew that I was obsessing about a 110-year-old spirit sitting in my dining room and how overactive my imagination is when it comes to his ghostbusting—it runs in the family—he still drove to Assachusetts to do an overnight investigation, this time for a different TV show (Chuck’s first ghostbusting show, an episode of Mystery Quest, aired on the History channel in December—yes, the show he filmed in June).

So awake I lay, all the while thinking, nice sea caption. Like this:

Not like this:

Somehow I managed to fall asleep. Then at 3 a.m. I heard a noise.

Thumping, from downstairs. The thumping grew louder. Because our house has been broken into, I grabbed my cell phone, set it to 911 and crept downstairs. Even more thumping. The fat cats were sleeping on the sofa; it wasn’t them.

I went to the foyer and turned on the light. I checked the security system. I checked some of the windows then—gasp! Shudder!

I heard what sounded like ice clinking in a glass. Coming from the dining room. Holy shit, the captain was enjoying a beverage and he was trying to let me know. There it was again! I screamed and called Chuck.

“He’s here he’s drinking in our dining room I heard him please come home I’m going to pee myself.”

More clinking.

"Come home right now! Why can't you invite people over who can't see into the past? Please come home!"

Chuck did come home. The next morning. I'd been up all night listening to thump, clink clink, thump, clink clink. I was bug eyed and freaked out. I was ready to call a realtor—or an exorcist.

"Investigate this!" I hissed when he walked through the door. I shoved him into the dining room.

Two seconds later we were standing in front of the furnace. Thump, clink clink, thump, clink clink.

"Here's your sea captain," he said. All smug and shit.

Well, you know what, Chuck? Smuggy smug Chuck? I'm signing you up for a bowling league. A nice, normal bowling league where people talk about strikes and pins, not spooks and poltergeists.

(Please tell me they still have bowling leagues?)


Sara said...

Yes they do. :D So you believe in ghosts, huh? I live in the "hauntingest town" in Ohio. Them ghosts are real. ;)

Mammatalk said...

I am an easily freaked out type. Very spooky!

Working Mommy said...

I have an award for you at my place!! Come on by when you get a minute!


Small Town Mommy said...

I think they have bowling leagues, but to be honest, I suck at bowling so can't vouch for it.

I freak out very easily. I would have had the dog camped out in the dining room with a baseball bat (in my hand, not his) and a cat to throw if something got too close.

Lindy said...

I didn't see anything in that picture until you circled it. Now I can't see anything BUT that. Thanks for that.

FoN said...

Weird. I can't even think of a witty comment. Just...... quit inviting those chicks to your house. And never cook fish again.

Keely said...

I'm with FoN. Make a sign that says "Please check your psychic shit at the door!"

Or, y'know, move somewhere less haunted.

Julia said...

Um?? Did they put you on any medication for your puke fest? Some kind of hallucinatory kind? Cause... I'm thinking you might want to check the labels.

Mad Woman said...

The least he could do is share his booze with you. Geez!

Juliana said...

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH. After my brother died I had orbs all over my pictures. Crazy!

Your header made me laugh out loud!

I am new to your blog and am now following. Pop on by to my bloggy blog and follow back if you would like. It is very nice to "meet" you and I look forward to following your blog!

Pricilla said...

You need a ghost goat to butt the ghosts

Dto3 said...

As long as he doesn't puke on the carpet, you're good.

Jeanne said...

Still doesn't explain the glass in the picture....

kyooty said...

Yes they have Bowling leagues but there is no guarentee he wont meet up with some other Ghost person there trying to escape their spouse. :)

mo.stoneskin said...

Maybe you could sign the sea captain up for the bowling league too? He might enjoy it and it could help get him off the drink.

Brandy said...

that would freak me the eff out. when are you moving?

Brandy said...

and yay for chuck for having work type stuff.

MissMuffett said...

Oh my gosh, you are too fuuny!

At least you found out who your Sea Captain is matey!!Aaarrgh!

Mrsbear said...

Yeah, the clairvoyants shouldn't be allowed across the threshold. I would've been freaked the fuck out. Tell me Chuck doesn't talk shop at home, I'd be sucking down Valium. Who needs that kind of suggestion floating around in their head?

marybt said...

Do you smoke a LOT of crack or just the normal amount?

lol. Just kidding. That would totally creep me out. Whenever I buy a house I have a ghost checker come out and check it out.

Frogs in my formula said...

What is the normal amount of crack??

Amanda said...

Everyone knows sea captains were totally gay. That's why they went to sea. To get it on with other hairy sea captain man/boys.

Check your house for signs of a gay spirit. You know, Barbara Streisand records laying around, lube and fancy feathers.

The sea captains loved the fancy feathers. It's true.

Nanc Twop said...

I recognize that glass in the window... Your captain was trying to have a Sea Captain's Special ! (bottom of page)

/better pick up some absinthe; keep the spirits happy, as it were


Grand Pooba said...

I have been praying for a ghost to haunt my house! And here you have your ski captain, I'm jealous. I want a ghost Ski Captain to toast with!

Maybe I'm praying to the wrong person.

Otter Thomas said...

I have never had an experience like that and I don't know that I believe it all, but the passion some people have for this stuff is very interesting. Tell Chuck I know a place in Scotland that is haunted. I heard story after story from the bar tender/night porter Andy. Of course Andy drinks 3 liters of cider every day.