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ABOUT ME

About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sexy reindeer boots. Remember, you asked to see them

Okay, this is what they look like:



I Photoshopped out my legs so you wouldn’t be able to guess my true identity (you already have the top of my head from the post below; what more do you need?).

They were expensive, but well worth it because they really dress up a boring skirt. Drawbacks are that they're a little clunky on stairs and sometimes the smell of reindeer is off-putting. And you can't sneak up on someone—the jingling bells give you away every time. It makes surprising your partner (or random guy at the bar) nearly impossible. Which kind of sucks, because who doesn’t want to be surprised by a woman in thigh high black patent boots with reindeer hooves, bells and stuffed reindeer heads?

I mean, really.

I was lucky enough to have bought my sexy reindeer boots as part of the 2008 Sexy Reindeer Holiday Collection, which included a sexy reindeer whip and a free canister of lube.



Yes, I said canister.

You're jealous, I know. And you're probably asking yourself, Where can I get a pair of my own sexy reindeer boots? I'm sorry to say, I have the only pair on planet earth. I bought them from QVC while tripping on acid—at least, I think it was QVC—and I haven't seen another pair since.

But wait! If you're interested in a sexy reindeer boot knock-off, check out this site. These puppies come with "spring loaded cloven hooves." They can't touch my plushy, jingling temptress boots, but it looks like you wouldn't need a whip. A swift kick to the forehead might yield the same result.

Maybe.

Can we all move on now?

(If it wasn't for this blogger, this post would have died a quick death, which probably would have been better.)

21 comments:

Small Town Mommy said...

Those look extremely stylish although I imagine the cloven hooves are a little uncomfortable. I think the whip makes a nice accessory.

Staci said...

Sexy really isn't the word. Scary? Yes. Sexy? Not so much, but I could see how the padded knees might be sexy to some, especially if Mrs. Clause can't think of anything else to give Santa this year. Gives new meaning to ho, ho, ho.

I swear your office must be like working in the Twilight Zone.

Pricilla said...

Only a goat could appreciate the humor here.

erm, I will never have my hooves done.

NEVER.

stepmumoftheyear said...

OK.

Reading this I'm glad that it's 33C/92F outside and nobody can expect me to wear sexy reindeer boots.

Even in the air conditioning.

Amanda said...

There is something about the smell of reindeer that totally turns me on.

Off to the store. My can of lube is empty...

Frogs in my formula said...

OMG Staci you are such a perve! These boots are sexy, not skanky.*

*Lie,lie,lie,lie...

Lindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindy said...

HA! Yes! I made your blog!

But really? The canister of lube is still quite disturbing. Even the second time around...which also sounds disturbing.

Jenni said...

those boots make me feel funny, and not in a good way.

Julia said...

I am rushing out to get me some of those boots. I think my husband would be braying ((?) What sound do the deer make?) at the sight of me.

blognut said...

I absolutely have to have a pair of those boots! Those would make a fabulous gift, I think. :)

Keely said...

Right. Venison anyone?

(Seriously, those are...kind of like performance art or something. I think you need to get out of that job before you go completely off your nut.)

Jeanne said...

No offense, but the reindeer heads make your knees look knobby.

Frogs in my formula said...

Is anyone else thinking give-away? Mwahahahaha!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

wow, now those are some sexy boots. And of course you need a canister of lube, you need half a canister just to get those puppies on in the first place! LMAO.

Mrsbear said...

Oh. Em. Gee. Creepiest sexy reindeer boots ever. Like Satan with decapitated reindeer heads strapped like knee pads. Eek.

tootertotz said...

Wow! Those boots embody the miracle that is Christmas. How in the hell would anyone have come up with that if not for divine intervention/inspiration?!

Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Must. Have. Those. Boots.

Otter Thomas said...

I can't get past the reindeer toes. Crazy boots.

Lidian said...

Hey, on Donder, on Blitzen!

Working Mommy said...

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!! I can't even describe how incredibly jealous I am of your boots - right. this. second! I may be willing to trade you my first (and any other subsequent) born for just one day of wearing those bad boys to work!

~WM