Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'm really impressionable right now so be gentle



I had such a tasty post planned for today. I was so giddy as I typed, I swear I pitched a tent. Then, because I feed on praise and reassurance, I ran the post by Chuck. I waited for him to pitch a tent alongside me.

Instead he fell out of his chair, clutched his heart and stammered, “Please, pleeeeeeaaaaaase, don’t post this.”

Before your imaginations run amuck with naughty ideas about what the post was (Chuck on a bearskin rug?!), let me explain: It was a lengthy post of all the reasons why my sister-in-law is not my favorite person. In my defense, the post was more of an investigation, not a gratuitous exposé. I’m not an unfair bitch. In fact, in writing the post, I had actually hoped to arrive at a different conclusion: that she registered lower on Mrs. Mullet’s Beasto-meter than I had previously suspected.

Sadly, results were conclusive.

Chuck’s reasons for asking me to not post the post were justified. Some of our friends read my blog, and because we are an incestuous little group here in Connecticut, word could get back to her. Then, instead of pretending we like each other at families parties, we’d have to, you know, acknowledge the fact that things aren’t working out. (Oh, the horror of facing reality. The liberation would be crippling.)

However, even though I understand my husband’s reasoning, I couldn’t let it go. It might feel good to throw caution to the wind instead of meeking around. And really, if the extent of my outrageousness is a somewhat inflammatory blog post, then wow, I’m a snoozer. I mean, I don’t have pink hair. I’m not setting cars on fire. I’m usually in bed by 9:30. You might as well call me Pollyanna.

Besides, my post was in the name of scientific analysis. There’s an official Beasto-meter, for Pete’s sake.

So I kept bugging Chuck. Nicely. Like a wolf with four mouths and 10 canines might bug a little furry rabbit that’s limping along with a broken leg. You know, tickle, tickle.

Finally, he caved. But he made me promise one thing: in the post, I must refer to my sister-in-law as Chuck’s best friend’s cousin’s uncle’s step-mother’s father’s adopted sister’s great aunt’s grandmother’s niece’s son’s neighbor Edwina.

But now that he's given me the green light, I feel...anxious. Not so fresh. I want to know: did you ever post something about someone that you wish you never had? Did it come back to bite you in the ass or was it freeing and fabulous?

21 comments:

Mad Woman said...

I haven't posted anything deliberately that came back to bite me in the ass, but I did post something that got read the wrong way and it caused a few friendships to end. Looking back now though? Meh.

Can't wait to read about "Edwina".

Grand Pooba said...

Wait, how'd you pitch a tent?

Lindy said...

All the time.

But - it's my blog, my life, my feelings. I never use names and I never link anywhere that would identify someone as being the person I crazy talked about.

AND - I never post anything I wouldn't normally tell that person to their face if given the chance.

My $.02.

Mrsbear said...

Sorry, I'm an absolute chickenshit when it comes to that stuff, but I would imagine it to be hugely satisfying and liberating. Unfortunately I'm still in the blogging closet so to speak, but someday...Spill it, I'm sure Edwina will never be the wiser.

Keely said...

Sorry, gonna side with Chuck on this one. Unless you would say it to her face, zip it. (And if that's the case, just say it to her face).

I've ALMOST been bitten in the ass by this kind of thing. I weasled out of it, but it was an offhanded mention within a post, not a whole post dedicated to that person.

Pricilla said...

We goats don't care what we say about each other. I hate Abby and she knows it.

Why don't you guest post it on someone else's blog?

Like someone across the country from you. Or in Canada or something...

Jenera said...

If I'll say it to someone's face, I'll write about it.

That said, I have written about my husband's family and it caused a whole uproar. Even though it was the same things I had said to their face. But I think they were just looking for something to get mad at. And to be fair, I write about my family all the time.

SLColman said...

I figure if I would say it to someone else where it might get back to them or to their face then might as well get a blog post out of it!

mo.stoneskin said...

And when you are referring to the hamster that walks Edwina's sister's dog what would you say?

Jeanne said...

I'm so tactless that I don't need to leverage my blog to offend people. In fact, one reason I've always preferred writing to talking is that I have a chance to edit.

Frogs in my formula said...

Grand Pooba, how I pitched a tent is the subject of another blog post, but I'm not ready to go there yet.

SLColman, I love your logic!

Working Mommy said...

You know what...just post it!! I mean, I post anonymously and no one - except the man - knows what I post or who it is about. I give everyone code names and don't give locations. It really is quite therapeutic to get it out into the open...even if the open means everyone in the world!

~WM

Mary Anne said...

I've got a SIL that I'd love to put the Beast-O-Meter to, but I'm with Mrs. Bear on this one and am a big ole chicken, so I don't go there. They don't even know about my blog, but I'm not taking the chance, it has just been too volatile in the past.
I also live in an incestuous little town, and things that I HAVEN'T said in an effort to try to keep the peace have come back to bite me in the ass.

Gina said...

I worry over posting things sometimes, but when it comes down to it, I usually end up doing it. I try to think about what I would be wiling to say to their face. And as long as it's factual more than just emotional, I tend to go ahead. There are things that I might not WANT to say to someone's face, but I would if I had to. Those things, I will post.

Brandy said...

omg - i'm so afraid to write things that *might* get read from some one who will tell someone else. i'm totally chicken.

The Mother said...

I'm really pretty careful about what I write. Some of my kids and my hubby read my blog, and some of my kid's friends, and some of hubby's office, and, well--

I gotta be careful.

Sara said...

This issue has been tickling in the back of my head. I mean after "not liking" for almost a decade and a half, can I validate a blog post airing the dislike between my SIL and me? For me, it'd be pretty safe bet I couldn't say anything that hasn't been said already. Look forward to hearing about Edwina.

Suzi said...

Nope, not me. I won't for the very same reasons Chuck and you discussed.

Julia said...

I think this is dangerous grounds. Seriously. I'd think twice before posting it too.

Buggys said...

I'm thinking you're better silent than sorry on this one. But I do love the idea of guest posting elsewhere! Especially because now you have us all aflutter with curiosity!! I'm offering my blog if you care to spill to us, oh come on!

carol said...

go for it

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