Monday, October 12, 2009

I tried to be succinct but it was one of those verbose days. Also, I'm avoiding a stack of dishes, dustballs and a plastic potato man with no genitals

A long time ago, ecostore, Earth Baby and Pond’s asked if I wanted to sample some of their cleansers. At first I didn’t want to. I didn’t start this blog with the intention of writing product reviews. I don’t even know if you care what I think about certain products. Maybe you stop by because of my sunny disposition.


Having said that, who doesn't like to get free stuff? So I said yes. But then, I wasn't crazy about any of the products, so I thought I'd quietly not post anything.

But now, I don't want the FTC to take me away for not having disclosed my riveting experience with my free soapy products. So without further ado, here is how it went down.

(No one paid me to write this post and after I am done, I'm going back to posts about self-inflicted bodily harm, train hating and my husband's derriere. You know, the good stuff.)

ecostore Baby Body Wash ($10)

I kinda sorta liked this, but the lemon smell reminded me of dish detergent. The wash left Junior squeaky clean—literally. It rinsed easily but didn’t make bubbles. Bubbles don’t equal better cleaning, but Junior likes to play with them. They distract him from splashing and standing up in the tub, therefore they must be in our lives. Also, the wash wasn’t thick. When I turned the bottle upside-down and opened the cap, it rushed out. I lost half the bottle’s contents this way.

Conclusion: For as much as I appreciate the soap’s environmentally friendly ingredients and production, I probably won’t buy this product again.

Earth Baby Baby Shampoo ($15)

Chuck loved this stuff. Me? Not so much. The wash left Junior smelling like coconut, which made me crave piña coladas. Unlike the other wash, this stuff was thick. I had to keep rinsing Junior’s head; he hated that. He doesn’t get the tilt-your-head-back concept, so I came up with the stupid idea of telling him that there was a spider on the showerhead that wanted to say hi, if only he’d look up.

Boy, did that backfire. Not only was he afraid to get in the tub, I had to enlist the aid of the Grand Protector, aka Mr. Potato Head.

All of this made bath time rather stressful.

Junior [pointing at the showerhead]: “There’s the spider!”

Me: “There’s no spider, sweetie. Mommy was wrong about the spider. Please tilt your head back?”

Junior: “No! I want to get out. I see the spider! I want to get out!”

Me: “Please, Junior? Mr. Potato Head will protect you. Please tilt your head back?”

Junior: “I need a towel! Mr. Potato Head come in bath with me? See that spider?”

Me: “For the love of God there’s no spider! He went home. He’s never coming back. Please tilt your head back? Please?”

Junior: “Is the spider friendly? Is he friendly? Mr. Potato Head come in bath with me? I want to get out!”

Me: “Chuck! I need a piña colada!”

Earth Baby also sent me Organic Mommy n' Me Refreshing Mist. The concept sounds intriguing but I never knew when to use it, so it's still sitting in my linen closet. I mean really, the idea of misting Junior down makes me giggle. Maybe I'm missing out? Do you mist?

Conclusion: For as much as I appreciate the products' environmentally friendly ingredients and production, I probably won’t buy these products again.

Now, finally, Pond’s Wet Cleansing towelettes ($20+ for a 15-count pack of 8). It looks like the vast majority of reviews have been favorable. I myself wasn’t so juiced. Am I just a complainer? Will I ever be happy with anything? Do you mist?

Who the hell knows?

The thing is, I don’t like throwing something away every time I wash my face. I suppose the towelettes are good for cleaning on the run, but that’s not important to me. I like foaming up with a nice cleanser before bed. It relaxes me. Even though you’re not supposed to, I wanted to rinse my face. I'm a rinser.

The product’s write-up says the towelettes work on waterproof mascara. I disagree. Sure, Maybelline Great Lash mascara* is hell to get off—I can’t wait to be done with it—but in the morning, I had raccoon eyes from leftover mascara.

So, phew, I’m done. If I hadn’t professed a little product love a few weeks ago, I’d accuse myself of being difficult. But I’m not. I’m just a woman who would like to banish Mr. Potato Head from the bathroom and who enjoys washing her face.

Check, please.

* No one paid me to say that.


harrietv said...

As a general rule, I'm against scenting cleaning agents of any kind with food scents. All it takes a curious kid who likes lemonade if 5 seconds when mama isn't looking... Scary.

Lidian said...

That brought back memories of rinsing time for me all right. It was so not fun! Maybe the thin bath stuff would be better as the shampoo, and the thick shampoo could be bath stuff?

Or maybe not!

And coconut scented things make me want pina coladas too (cue that annoying 70s song, you know the one I mean, right?)

HoodChick said...

The spider trick would have scared me out of the bath too!

Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

Absolutely great reviews!

Unknown said...

I so agree on those face washers (any brand) I like sudsin up

Hey i gotta tell ya so off the subject...everytime i watch survivor and see the mullet gal i always think of your blog...and now I cant remember her name ohhhh SHAMBO thats it...LOL anyways your header and mullets I am thinkin if the FTC wasnt crack-a-lackin down on us poor mommies you could have a great partnership with CBS and survivor...

mo.stoneskin said...

"The wash left Junior squeaky clean"

As all detergents should. I hope you scrubbed so hard it made him shine.

Grand Pooba said...

This was my favorite "review" post ever! Who knew you could actually give your real opinion for a free product.

brokenteepee said...

Great, now I am going to be looking for spiders every time I get in the shower.


Maggie said...

I've never understood the point of those towelettes unless you're always travelling. I don't think I'd ever use them.

Great reviews....and I don't think you need to worry about the FTC anymore :)

Lindy said...

Really? Your post title? Has two words I don't know the meaning of.

How am I supposed to continue reading past that?

Frogs in my formula said...

Lindy, that's because my post title was RIDDLED with typos. Thank you for making me awear (just kidding).

Anne said...

I can't stand anything that isn't food but smells like it. You should hear me rant against scented candles. I like cleansing pads after I wash my face when I am wearing foundation. I don't feel like I get it all off unless I scrub after washing.

Mrsbear said...

Am I the only one who thinks 15 bucks is a little steep for baby shampoo?

Thanks for the review and the bath tip. Note to self: never try to get youngest to tilt his head back by telling him there's a spider on the ceiling. ;) Works much better for getting him out of the tub.

Stacy Uncorked said...

I think you did a stellar job on the reviews. And your take on those products probably would have been my take, too. I don't mist, but I'm definitely a rinser.

And thanks for the great idea of how to get Princess Nagger out of the tub! Mr. Spider will be paying a visit for sure... ;)

Momma Chae said...

LOL :) I love your honest reviews!

Gretchen said...

I love the thing about the spider. That was so funny! I think I'll do something like that but instead of a spider, I'll use an Elmo Doll. Or maybe a fuzzy little caterpillar. Or maybe a tootsie pop. My kid has a bit of a sweet tooth. And an obsession with Elmo.

Whatever works.

kyooty said...

Tubs, if you ask Junior to lay on his back and then swish his hair back and forth it's easy rinsing and no water gets in their eyes, it only took me 3kids to get to that idea.

Magpie said...

You review like I review. Honestly. I like that. :)

Lenox Knits said...

That spider story had me laughing out loud. I'm not a mom but I do appreciate honest reviews. I don't understand mists for myself so I certainly wouldn't understand misting a toddler boy. Why exactly would one do that. I also don't understand disposable face cleansers. Why create more waste?

Brandy@YDK said...

thanks for sharing a true real experience. and making me laugh too.

Buggys said...

I agree on the viscosity issue. Kids cleaning products need to be a little thick because usually you are trying to do this one handed and you'll get a lot of waste.
I use the Olay face towelettes and I love them! You do rinse with those though. Don't think I could be happy not rinsing.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Chuck's covered up! :p

Roshni said...

love it! This is the first honest review I read!! And, yes, I totally believe you when you say that no one paid you!! :P

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