Hah!
Having said that, who doesn't like to get free stuff? So I said yes. But then, I wasn't crazy about any of the products, so I thought I'd quietly not post anything.
But now, I don't want the FTC to take me away for not having disclosed my riveting experience with my free soapy products. So without further ado, here is how it went down.
(No one paid me to write this post and after I am done, I'm going back to posts about self-inflicted bodily harm, train hating and my husband's derriere. You know, the good stuff.)
ecostore Baby Body Wash ($10)
I kinda sorta liked this, but the lemon smell reminded me of dish detergent. The wash left Junior squeaky clean—literally. It rinsed easily but didn’t make bubbles. Bubbles don’t equal better cleaning, but Junior likes to play with them. They distract him from splashing and standing up in the tub, therefore they must be in our lives. Also, the wash wasn’t thick. When I turned the bottle upside-down and opened the cap, it rushed out. I lost half the bottle’s contents this way.
Conclusion: For as much as I appreciate the soap’s environmentally friendly ingredients and production, I probably won’t buy this product again.
Earth Baby Baby Shampoo ($15)
Chuck loved this stuff. Me? Not so much. The wash left Junior smelling like coconut, which made me crave piña coladas. Unlike the other wash, this stuff was thick. I had to keep rinsing Junior’s head; he hated that. He doesn’t get the tilt-your-head-back concept, so I came up with the stupid idea of telling him that there was a spider on the showerhead that wanted to say hi, if only he’d look up.
Boy, did that backfire. Not only was he afraid to get in the tub, I had to enlist the aid of the Grand Protector, aka Mr. Potato Head.
All of this made bath time rather stressful.
Junior [pointing at the showerhead]: “There’s the spider!”
Me: “There’s no spider, sweetie. Mommy was wrong about the spider. Please tilt your head back?”
Junior: “No! I want to get out. I see the spider! I want to get out!”
Me: “Please, Junior? Mr. Potato Head will protect you. Please tilt your head back?”
Junior: “I need a towel! Mr. Potato Head come in bath with me? See that spider?”
Me: “For the love of God there’s no spider! He went home. He’s never coming back. Please tilt your head back? Please?”
Junior: “Is the spider friendly? Is he friendly? Mr. Potato Head come in bath with me? I want to get out!”
Me: “Chuck! I need a piña colada!”
Earth Baby also sent me Organic Mommy n' Me Refreshing Mist. The concept sounds intriguing but I never knew when to use it, so it's still sitting in my linen closet. I mean really, the idea of misting Junior down makes me giggle. Maybe I'm missing out? Do you mist?
Conclusion: For as much as I appreciate the products' environmentally friendly ingredients and production, I probably won’t buy these products again.
Now, finally, Pond’s Wet Cleansing towelettes ($20+ for a 15-count pack of 8). It looks like the vast majority of reviews have been favorable. I myself wasn’t so juiced. Am I just a complainer? Will I ever be happy with anything? Do you mist?
Who the hell knows?
The thing is, I don’t like throwing something away every time I wash my face. I suppose the towelettes are good for cleaning on the run, but that’s not important to me. I like foaming up with a nice cleanser before bed. It relaxes me. Even though you’re not supposed to, I wanted to rinse my face. I'm a rinser.
The product’s write-up says the towelettes work on waterproof mascara. I disagree. Sure, Maybelline Great Lash mascara* is hell to get off—I can’t wait to be done with it—but in the morning, I had raccoon eyes from leftover mascara.
So, phew, I’m done. If I hadn’t professed a little product love a few weeks ago, I’d accuse myself of being difficult. But I’m not. I’m just a woman who would like to banish Mr. Potato Head from the bathroom and who enjoys washing her face.
Check, please.
* No one paid me to say that.
