Tonight I took Junior to the indoor play area at the Mulletville mall. I overheard this conversation between a married couple as they hovered over their twin toddlers:
Mother to daughter, who was sitting on slide: “Abigail, it’s your turn. Go down.”
Father to son, who was standing in line for slide: “Jeffrey, don’t rush your sister.”
Mother: “Abigail, Jeffrey is waiting for his turn.”
Father: “Jeffrey, Abigail will go down when she’s ready. You can wait.”
Mother: “Go down the slide, Abigail.”
Father: “Don’t rush her, Jeffrey.”
Mother: “Abigail! Your brother is being very patient, now go down the slide.”
Father: “Jeffrey, you back up and give her space!”
Mother [pushes daughter down slide]: "There. Your turn, Jeffrey."
Can’t you just picture this couple in bed?
Wife: “Richard, it’s my turn. You owe me for last night’s pathetic lay.”
Husband: “Don’t rush me, Francine. You know I need to cuddle first.”
Wife: “Stop pussy footing around, Richard.”
Husband: “I’ll get on top when I’m ready, Francine.”
Wife: “I’m waiting, Richard.”
Husband: “Dammit, Francine, don’t rush me.”
Wife: “Richard, if you don’t get your lame ass in gear I’m going to—”
Husband: “—I said I need some space! You’re ruining it. Now I’m going to need the Viagra again. Are you happy?”
Wife [gets vibrator from night stand]: "Well. He's up to it, Richard."
Love and marriage…love and marriage…falalalalala.
P.S. Don't forget to leave a comment on the post below if you want a chance to win a Diamond Edition Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Blu-ray Combo Pack DVD. You only have until Wednesday night so yes, I'm rushing you!
About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.