Decapitating pickles isn't just for rainy days anymore

So you know how I said that enchiladas are the perfect after-being-robbed food? Well, I have discovered the perfect culinary anecdote to a day spent:

1) in the children's section of IKEA looking for a last-minute gift for a five-year-old niece who only likes Barbie and will not accept cheap knock-offs (we got her a stuffed dog and she can just deal)

2) at said niece’s birthday party sweating my kneecaps off in a stifling, airless living room while ten four-year-olds dragged Junior around like a rag doll and offered him again and again to the family dog’s sopping, hairy tongue.

Are you ready?

Gherkins and chocolate pudding.

Why? Because you can pop gherkins right into your mouth while you’re passed out from exhaustion on the kitchen floor. There’s no need to heat or use utensils. Plus, gherkins are miniature versions of grown up pickles and when you bite their heads off, you feel better. Much, much better.

Chocolate pudding because it’s satisfying and consistently good, unlike the gooey, pink- speckled Barbie cake you had to wash down with lukewarm Bud Light.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d love to go into more detail but I have terrible heartburn.