ABOUT ME

About me: I'm 40 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 8-year-old Junior, our 5-year-old Everett, our baby and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Contents may explode upon shaking

Date: Friday, June 3. Setting: Mulletville Lite playground. Two mothers were sitting on swings with toddlers on their laps. They'd been swinging for hours.

Mother #1: What a cloudy day.

Mother #2: It really does stink.

Swing, swing.

Mother #1: I thought today was supposed to be sunny.

Mother #2: Well, that's the Northeast for you.

Swing, swing.

Mother #1: What do we do when it's cloudy, Haley?

Mother #2: Yes, Jack, what do we do?

Swing, swing.

Mother #1: We kick the clouds away!

Mother #2: Come on, Jack! Kick, kick!

Swing, swing. Kick, kick.

Mother #1: Higher, Haley! Higher!

Mother #2: Come on, Jack! They're beating us! We've got to kick away those naughty clouds!

Swing, kick. Swing, kick.

Mother #1: Kick the clouds away kids!

Mother #2: Kick the clouds away kids!

SWING, KICK. KICK, SWING.


Suddenly, projectile vomit. Everywhere.

Mother #1: Omigawd, Haley! Pumpkin! Did Mommy swing you for too long?

Mother #2: Is she okay? We were swinging for a while.

Dry-heaving. Gagging.

Mother #1: Pumpkin! It's all over me.

Mother #2: Is there anything I can do? Anything?

Mother #1: I've got to get her home! Right now! I'm so sorry, honey.

Mother #2: Yes! Right away! Her equilibrium...!

Me (into my sleeve): Bwaahahahahahahahahaha. Bwahahahahahaha.


Date: Sunday, June 5. Setting: Small town carnival. Junior and I atop the ferris wheel.



Me (whispering into Junior's little ear): Kick, honey, kick! Kick those pesky clouds away.

And then: Bwaahahahahahahahahaha. Bwahahahahahaha.

I love when a good laugh carries itself all the way through the weekend.

6 comments:

anSeL said...

it's so funny!

NHGirl said...

I was just at the playground today and some Real Housewives woman was yapping on her cell phone while pushing her daughter on the swing. I guess she wasn't paying attention because she pushed her kid off the swing. It took a lot of self-control to not bust out laughing (at the mom, not the kid, of course).

Christy said...

I don't think I could have held a laugh in! that is amazing!

Pricilla said...

Gah.
Yuck.
Vomit.
hilarious

Brittney said...

ummm GAG!
Seriously? I would have thrown up myself if I heard that. Kick the clouds away really? Haha

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

See, these are the days maybe I am a little glad I have to send my kid to daycare and therefore don't brave the playground.