Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Questions to which I just don't have the answers


Mrs. Mullet: "Junior, look! It's Mrs. Butterworth. She came to our house to give you syrup for your pancakes!"

Junior (eyes bulging): "Who is she? Does she have friends? Where does she live? Is she syrup? Is that syrup? Where are her eyes?"

Mrs. Mullet: "She's like Santa, except she gives kids syrup. For their pancakes and waffles. Isn't that neat?"

Junior: "Who is her mommy? Are you her mommy? Can she talk? Why isn't she talking?"

Mrs. Mullet: "She, um, talks in syrup. It pours out of her mouth."

Junior (growing agitated): "Is it blood? Do forks hurt her? Why won't she talk to me? Does she live with us? I can't see her mouth."

Mrs. Mullet: "Sweetie, Mrs. Butterworth's mouth is right here. Listen, she's talking. Hello, Junior! May I put some of my delicious syrup on your pancakes?"

Junior (having mild panic attack): "I can't see her eyes! Why does she have two faces? Her head is sticky! Is it syrup? Is her head syrup? Am I syrup?"

Mrs. Mullet: "No, honey. Just Mrs. Butterworth and her, er, family. Eat your pancakes, okay?"

Junior: "Where are they? Do they live with us? I can't see them."

Mrs. Mullet: "Junior, she's a sweet little syrup woman. I don't know where her family is." [Bangs head on table]

Junior: "I can't see them, Mommy."

Mrs. Mullet: "I know. I know. Say goodbye to Mrs. Butterworth, okay? Goodbye, Junior!" [Puts Mrs. Butterworth in cabinet. Gets vodka bottle and takes swig]

Junior: "Is that where she lives? Is it? Is she alone?"

Mrs. Mullet: "Yes, sweetie." [Slumping to floor] Dear God, yes."

18 comments:

Life As I Know It said...

My son had a crush on Mrs. Butterworth for awhile. Seriously.

Kathy said...

Dying here. Now you got me all worried about Mrs. Butterworth in the pantry without the lights on. Is she scared in there? Does she talk to herself with her nonexistent mouth? When the syrup drops below the neckline, does she die because she can only breathe under syrup? I want pancakes.

LAB said...

You might want to avoid Mrs. Fields cookies and Mrs. Paul's fish sticks for awhile. But go ahead and hit the liquor store for some Mr. Boston.

tootertotz said...

Just saw an Oprah yesterday about a family who kept their daughter in a dog crate in the basement for years. My money says Junior has reported you to Oprah before the day is out for your cruel and unusual treament of Mrs. Butterworth.

On the up side, you could land a spot during her 25th season for the Butterworth incident. You may just want to ride that one out!

NHGirl said...

Oh my god, this is hilarious. :)

Mrsbear said...

He brings up some valid questions. Now Mrs. Butterworth gives me the creeps. Going with Aunt Jemima next time.

Frogs in my formula said...

I think it's time to start a support group called Deep questions about Mrs. Butterworth. We don't have to go through this alone!

Pricilla said...

I think as long as Mrs. Butterworth does not have a chef's knife you are safe....

Grace said...

This in "pee in your pants" funny - I don't know if this conversation actually took place or whether if comes totally from your imagination, but damn, lady, this is funny!

VandyJ said...

And what about the Peter Pan peanut butter? Maybe it's best just not to mention the names of the food he eats. It might result in fewer questions.

HumorSmith said...

You should have known butter.

HumorSmith said...

Also.....hilarious! Only disappointed I couldn't find a video of Charley Weaver as Mrs. Butterworth to link.

Sparkling said...

I can't see her eyes??? Why does she have two heads? I love it. Dear God, please don't ever let him see Aunt Jemima with her inappropriate bandanna!!

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I bet you won't do that again!

Grand Pooba said...

Wow! Bet you didn't know you were gonna get grilled on Mrs. Butterworth!

Jenni said...

These types of situations are exactly why I stick with pure maple.

Julie said...

That's the best thing I've read in a while. Hilarious! Have to say, if someone introduced me to a woman with two faces and who talked by pouring out viscous liquid from her mouth, I'd have a panic attack, too.

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

You know, I never realized how creepy Mrs. Butterworth is til just now. Spot on, Junior!

In defense of adoration—even in the deli line

The toddler was all over his mother. Cam and I were in line at the deli at Mulletville Lite's town grocery store, watching the lov...