Showing posts with label back to plain ole syrup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label back to plain ole syrup. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Questions to which I just don't have the answers


Mrs. Mullet: "Junior, look! It's Mrs. Butterworth. She came to our house to give you syrup for your pancakes!"

Junior (eyes bulging): "Who is she? Does she have friends? Where does she live? Is she syrup? Is that syrup? Where are her eyes?"

Mrs. Mullet: "She's like Santa, except she gives kids syrup. For their pancakes and waffles. Isn't that neat?"

Junior: "Who is her mommy? Are you her mommy? Can she talk? Why isn't she talking?"

Mrs. Mullet: "She, um, talks in syrup. It pours out of her mouth."

Junior (growing agitated): "Is it blood? Do forks hurt her? Why won't she talk to me? Does she live with us? I can't see her mouth."

Mrs. Mullet: "Sweetie, Mrs. Butterworth's mouth is right here. Listen, she's talking. Hello, Junior! May I put some of my delicious syrup on your pancakes?"

Junior (having mild panic attack): "I can't see her eyes! Why does she have two faces? Her head is sticky! Is it syrup? Is her head syrup? Am I syrup?"

Mrs. Mullet: "No, honey. Just Mrs. Butterworth and her, er, family. Eat your pancakes, okay?"

Junior: "Where are they? Do they live with us? I can't see them."

Mrs. Mullet: "Junior, she's a sweet little syrup woman. I don't know where her family is." [Bangs head on table]

Junior: "I can't see them, Mommy."

Mrs. Mullet: "I know. I know. Say goodbye to Mrs. Butterworth, okay? Goodbye, Junior!" [Puts Mrs. Butterworth in cabinet. Gets vodka bottle and takes swig]

Junior: "Is that where she lives? Is it? Is she alone?"

Mrs. Mullet: "Yes, sweetie." [Slumping to floor] Dear God, yes."

I won't let that Halloween go! I won't, I tell you.

After years of dying a slow professional death at Mulletville Corp and then resurrecting my career through a series of part-time, freelance,...