Sunday, February 20, 2011

If you answer yes to the last question I'll hog-tie ya with your bathrobe cord

Chuck and I have the house to ourselves. My mother took Junior for the night and Diddly, at six weeks of age, doesn’t really count because all he does is cry, eat, sleep, and cry some more. Sure he’s a time suck but not in the way that a three-year-old who's crying “Play with me, Mommy! Come watch my trains!” is.

Chuck’s enjoying the down time by lounging in his pajamas and watching television. I’m enjoying the down time by gunning down his leisure time with questions.

Questions like “What should we do? Should we move boxes to the place in Mulletville Lite? Should we vacuum? Dust? Paint? What do you want to do? Should we go out? Should I go to the grocery store? How about our taxes? Have we done our taxes? Shouldn’t we do something?”

I might sound like a pain in the ass, but I’m realizing something about myself, which is that I cannot function without productivity. I just can’t. Worse, if I don’t have a productive day, I feel guilty. When I wake up in the morning I say, “What should we do today?” Chuck says, “Shut up and get back in bed.”

His attitude? Makes me crazy. My attitude? He thinks that my inability to have an unproductive day without feeling guilty is a psychosis. (Myah, now you know: my poor cooking is actually a cloaked attempt to kill my husband).

A psychosis!

At least I’m not alone. My friend Sandy confessed that if she’s going to watch garbage on television, she’ll actually make a pile of books and magazines in front of her to make her feel as if she’s reading—which we all know, as a past time, pacifies the productivity gods (in case you’re wondering, chronic masturbation does not pacify the productivity gods, so you’d better get your hands out of your pants).

I think her strategy is brilliant. She’s so mired in productivity she needs to give herself the illusion of it while enjoying mindless tasks. I get it. For the record, Chuck thinks her strategy can also be classified as a psychosis.

Whatever, Chuck.

All of this leads me to yet another Carrie Bradshaw moment. My and Sandy’s upbringings weren’t driven by militant scheduling. We didn’t have Tiger Moms (sorry, couldn’t help the nauseating reference). And as adults we understand there are no bonus points or slaps on the wrist for how balls to the wall our days were. Simply, there’s no judgment. So why are we so hard on ourselves?

I ask you, dear Mulletheads: Where do you stand? Do you live in your jammies guilt free or do you have a mental clip board with which you start your day?

And really, are we psychotic?


LAB said...

I totally agree! If I don't have a schedule (or at least a plan) for every single day I go a little crazy. There's not a single minute of my time that I don't know exactly what I'm going to next (and then after that...and after that...and after that).

I don't freak out if everything doesn't go according to plan, but there's always a plan!

Whitney said...

I'm a laze-around-on-the-couch-in-my-pajamas kinda gal, but I do feel guilty at the end of the day if nothing gets accomplished. So, I throw in a load of laundry while I'm blogging or reading. That's called multi-tasking! :P

Sparkling said...

We are psychotic. I truly cannot sit still. If I am in front of the tv, I feel that I have to do something or I will be wasting time. time is not meant to be wasted, people, we have THINGS TO DO!!! I would totally feel like you if it appeared that we had time on our hands together, we should be doing something together that we never get the time to do. Moving, cleaning, taxes, etc. Those lazyasses who sit around all day on the weekend doing nothing? I can't even imagine.

Pricilla said...

After having nearly died I can have a do nothing day and feel no guilt what so ever. Prior to said near death experience I could not.

Now I can sit all day and watch bad TV and be fine with it. I cannot however do it for a week. THEN I start to feel guilty. There is a limit.

But even on my bad days I do take care of the goats....

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

Oh my gosh, I constantly have to be DOING something when I watch TV. I can not just lay and watch. I must make a list or do something from that list. It's excruciating.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Get up, check
drank coffee, check
swept patio, check
Read a zillion blogs, check, check, check.

The Captain's Wife said...

I am unable to lounge and do absolutely nothing. I can chill for part of my day but always have a list to accomplish before I can allow myself to actually stop and relax..

Dysfunctional Mom said...

The only time I can let myself be unproductive is when I'm sick. I've been sick for the past week and my house is disgusting. I've come to the conclusion that my family pretty much sucks.
I'm almost always doing two things at once. I can't just watch TV, I have to read or be online (like I am now).

Angella1776 said...

I am exactly the same way. I know I should enjoy rocking my two month old for hours and snuggling with him all day but my ass starts to hurt and I feel guilty for not doing as much with the two year old. I have to get something clean so much that I wait until one in the morning when everyone finally is in bed and I can do my dishes in peace. Pathetic!

HumorSmith said...

No schedule, no plan, unemployed, never had a plan really. All of which I'm sure explains why I am a middle-aged guy living in a tiny room in a house with a cat and a $75 computer and no prospects. moving into a refrigerator box a prospect?

Great! Now I'm depressed. Only one thing left to do...oh, you said that doesn't appease the productivity gods? Dammit!

Maggie said...

I'm a jammies girl BUT I still need to have a little bit of a plan for the day. I lounge, I get on the computer, I clean intermittently. And then I lounge some more.

Anonymous said...

Clipboard, notebooks, lists, check it off, prioritize, re-prioritize, THAT'S ME!

When our oldest graduated HS, I was thrilled at the free time I had - sports is a major TIME SUCK - fun, but a TIME SUCK.

So what did I do? Run for school board and join the committee that puts on our small-town celebration.

My husband thinks I'm insane.

Catootes said...

When guilt sets in about being unproductive, I grab a book. Because reading is productive.

Three Rivers Tributary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tootertotz said...

So, now I feel inadequate. Count that in your column of achievements for the day, you damn multi-tasker!

Someone needs to hand you a pint of ice cream with a spoon, shove your active ass into a recliner and hold you there until you succumb to a few minutes of pure, lazy, ice cream-induced happy bliss.

Grab a nap! It would do wonders for my psyche, at least.

SmartBear said...

LMAO..I needed this post today. You crack me up! Tell Chuck that my PROFESSIONAL opinion is that it is not a psychosis. It IS however the way in which we get by. I do the same thing with trash t.v. I sit with bills or books to read or some other crap to do because I can't bear to just SIT and watch t.v.
I don't have a problem wearing my pajamas pretty much everywhere. It's really sad. I went to pick up takeout last night in pajama shorts, a holey sweatshirt from college and my rain boots. I didn't give a damn...

Debbie said...

I can't stand to get up and not get dressed. I like to hop right out of bed and get busy. My husband like to stay in his pjs and drink coffee and do nothing for quite some time. Yes, we are psychotic.

Keely said...

I like to think it's a comparative thing. I'm okay with lounging around and doing nothing if I've already done SOMETHING...maybe not even that day, but that week, at least. Hubby is totally fine with never getting anything done, living in filth, and waiting for some fucking fictional maid to show up.

Now THAT, my friend, is psychosis.

Sandra said...

Clipboard! Absolutely clipboard!

Mrsbear said...

It's only a little psychotic.

Although when I decide to laze, it's all relative. Yes I can hang out in my PJs all afternoon, but at some point someone is going to ask me for something. A meal. A butt wipe. I drink of water.

I might implode if I was left alone for a whole day. Or I might meld with the couch. Could go either way.

Enjoy the break when you can get it. Stacking books seems like a good strategy.

Anonymous said...

I don't have time to plan my day OR lounge around in my pyjamas. My days are so busy I just do my things as I go along, no clipboard necessary. It's not the best choice, but if I'd prefer not to suffocate on chores then it's what I have to do every day.

Grand Pooba said...

Um no?

Please don't hurt me!

Busy Mom in Iowa said...

I love to lounge around in my PJs all weekend long. I usually accomplish this on Saturday and make up for it on Sunday. If there were no kids at home...MOVIE DAY!!

That is until I get sick of tripping over the same thing, then it's time for cleaning!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

My mom could run circles around the fly lady with her eyes closed and while battling pneumonia. THAT is the kind of organization I grew up with. As an adult I felt like it was NORMAL to iron bedsheets. I thought it was TYPICAL to count the silverware every time you empty the dishwasher.

Then I married a person who didn't even care if his socks matched. And I liked it.

I really tried to have a well-oiled machine of a household. But when I realized that the only person satisfied by that was me, and that he'd rather have me on the couch canoodling with him, I dropped the dustrag and dropped my ass on the couch.

And, unfortunately, I have never looked back. And my house has never looked messier.


Anonymous said...

I only know one thing. If you marry someone just like you, then one of you is unnecessary.

(I can't stand staying in my pajamas. Even if I do nothing else all day long, I still get up, take a shower, and get dressed.)

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