Monday, August 18, 2008

So I guess I've been undressing incorrectly for um, like, 10 years


My dad is such a great guy. Yesterday, before we took Junior out for breakfast, he handed me a stack of Life magazines from 1936 and told me there were some articles I should probably have now that I'm an old, married bag (his words, not mine).

He was kidding, of course. Heh, heh. Good ole pops.

I leafed through one of the magazines and stumbled upon this lovely number. It so carefully demonstrates the finer points of how to undress in an attractive, wifely way. Instructions are courtesy of the Allen Gilbert School of Undressing.

Excuse me? School of Undressing? How about School of Nut Kicking?

According to Mr. Gilbert, the "business of taking off stockings is virtually an art in itself." The slow, titillating rolling down of said stockings accomplishes two things: it excites the man (duh) and prevents him from having to see any unsightly runs.

The article goes on to say that such “good bedroom manners” are essential to married happiness once the honeymoon is over.

Sigh. I like this set of instructions much better.



I think, in fact, that I've actually fallen asleep with my nightgown knotted around my head, like the woman on the left. Minus the heels. And stockings.

But the grimace? Hell yeeeeeees.

7 comments:

Stella said...

Thank God my husband can't see me squeezing myself into my control tops because there is no maneuver in the world that could erase that picture!!

Dto3 said...

Just the thought of those stockings seductively rolling down those legs. . .wait, do they still make stockings?

Melissa said...

Those articles from that time really crack me up. But if you read the covers of cosmo while in the check out line, we really haven't come too far, have we?

Mekhismom said...

This post is truly LOL funny! Visiting from MBC. Addding you to my blogroll right now!

Practically Joe said...

Let's jump to the 60's ... there's Nothing like witnessing a titillating removal of pantyhose.

Frogs in my formula said...

Melissa, you are so right!

Kelly said...

this is so funny! i remember reading an article in an "older than dirt" good housekeeping that listed the things that a wife should do and say (or not say, as it turns out) once her husband comes home from work. included in it was put on lipstick, do your hair, have dinner ready and don't complain about your day b/c his was undoubtedly harder, you know, being the breadwinner and all. ugh! men suck!!!

love your blog! and love the title!!!

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