Sunday, August 19, 2012

Where I've been for two weeks

For the last two weeks, Everett has been waking up two and three times a night—screaming—then he's up again at 5:30 a.m. Again, screaming. This from a child who used to sleep soundly from 7:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m.

Chuck's been out of town for work, so it's just me and the shithead in the wee morning hours.

My ass is dragging so much I can't think of anything funny to say about where my ass actually is.

This morning, I needed something. I couldn't chug a beer (or, rather, I didn't). I don't huff caffeine—or anything else for that matter—and the water wasn't even boiling yet for the coffee press. I don't smoke. So I grabbed a Dove chocolate bar and shoved it into my mouth.

It was creamy wonderfulness.

As good as it was, it didn't remedy what's been ailing me. In fact, nothing has remedied Everett's crappy sleep schedule. I've tried everything, from checking for new teeth, to checking for soiled diapers. From checking for fevers, to checking for Charlie horses.

None of the above. 

I've tried feeding him more. Feeding him less. Changing his bedding. Dressing him more cooly. Dressing him more warmly. Letting him cry. Picking him up. Giving him more stuffed animals. Giving him more fans. Putting him down sooner. Putting him down later. He likes cats; I even thought about putting cat pictures on the wall.

You get the idea.

Then, today, I asked Junior if he knew why Everett was waking up screaming.

"It's creepy in his bedroom," he said.


"It's too dark."

"So you wouldn't want to sleep in there?"

"No way."

Tonight, I busted out the night lights. I left the curtains open. I left on the bathroom light.

So far, so good. Granted, it's only 8:30 p.m. but from what I can tell from downstairs, he seems to be sleeping soundly.

Ah, wait. I'm getting a message. Yes! Yes! My ass is upstairs and just confirmed it: Everett is sound asleep.


(Amazing how having children makes opportunities for butt jokes strangely irresistible.)


Patty Woodland said...

Go Junior!
Creepy huh? is the place HAUNTED?

Mrs. Tuna said...

I have a true confession. My kid's doctor told me to have giant class of wine every night before the last nursing. She slept through the night at 10 days old even now at 23 years old.

VandyJ said...

It's amazing how a small person can so wreck a grownup persons life just by not sleeping. I have major sympathy for you as Bruiser was a crappy sleeper for most of the first two years. He's 3 and a half now and mostly sleep OK.
Now we just have Turbo, 9, who wakes up screaming from night terrors. Sleep is such a fun thing.

Leanne said...

See Mom, you know NOTHING. Not even when a room is creepy.... I hope he slept through for you!

judemiller1 said...

How cool that Junior knew what was wrong. I love it!

Sparkling said...

So smart to ask Junior what might be the problem. Isn't that what older kids are for? Entertainment AND wisdom?????

Now, I've been waking up in a panic from ridiciulous nightmares, like I've never had. Ask junior what that might be about. Oh, wait, it's because it's time to go back to school.

Man! There are a lot of holes in my neighborhood

Our young neighbors Bob and Claire are wonderful —which is a fricken relief because we basically share a yard. A flat, treeless yard. When ...