Wednesday, December 7, 2011

There are a few things I have learned


From my meager four years of parenting.

This is one of them: If your child has a fever and says he feels sick to his stomach right before going to bed, you grab that Tupperware container! You grab those suppositories! And you get your ass to bed.

Even if it's only 8:30 pm. Even if you're not tired.

Because what lies ahead is probably a horrific pukefest filled with tears and moaning (sometimes your own). What lies ahead is a child (or children) who wants to puke on you, despite your best attempts to usher him to the bathroom.

Despite your within-reach Tupperware container.

Never before in my life have I viewed the night time—what is supposed to be a time of repose and blissful slumber—as a vehicle for bodily battle and yet, as I type this, I can't help but think that I am arming myself and preparing to wage war.

Things will probably fly out of orifices. Simultaneously. I will probably get slimed. I will probably change pajamas and linens with the fervor of maid on crack. And, saddest of all, it will probably be 5:30 am before I am finally able to slither back into my bed, my hair matted to my face in a wet, crusty shellack of puke goo.

But godammit, I am smarter. I am faster.

And I am not tempting fate any further.

Goodnight.

8 comments:

Pricilla said...

I am sorry. I have been there with the nieces and nephews and well, I am glad I am here.

Goat hugs. I hope they feel better very soon. And that you don't get it.

VandyJ said...

I really hope the night was better than predicted.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

"Things will probably fly out of orifices." Sounds like one of my drunken nights out....
I hope it wasn't a horrible night!

Brandy@YDK said...

oh man - g hasn't had any puke fests. thank goodness.

Sparkling said...

GET THE ORANGE BUCKET!! That was our throw up bucket. There was nothing worse than coming home from school or getting up in the morning to find someone on the couch with the orange bucket nearby. I can count the number of times in my life I've thrown up. Seriously. I hate it so much. And to partake in someone else throwing up? God help me.

tarheelmom said...

I totally understand...and not taking away from your pain and agony, but...try it with 4 children while you and the husband are sick over the last 4 days!

SmartBear said...

oh....how did it go?
Best,
Tina

Jana@anattitudeadjustment.com said...

I hope that writing these posts cheers you up. Because the giggling I do definitely works wonders for me!

How I finally caught the babysitter stealing

A few weeks ago in Mulletville Lite, I told you how I had begun to question the integrity of our babysitter, Kim. I believed she was ste...