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About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

In 20 years je me still souviens why I left

Tonight I'm going out for milk and I'm not coming back. I thought I should tell someone. Since I can't tell my friends, co-workers or immediate kin (sssshhhh, I don't want them to find me), you're it.

If anyone asks, I left because I have been sick for the last five days, and I have had to care for two sick children. One has clung to me nonstop, like a koala bear, and wants to sleep curled under my neck. The other begs me to sleep next to him, but really what he wants to do is play with the little hairs around my ears.

They can't make a NyQuil strong enough to help you sleep through shit like that.

My shirt is covered in mucus. It's not mine. I know that because I have only been able to sneeze onto the tops of children's heads.

I'm going to go to Canada. Every blogger I've met who lives in Canada seems really nice. I bet they'd take kindly to a homeless crazy woman covered in phlegm.

I won't be back until after Christmas. I haven't done a lick of holiday shopping, and I can't take the guilt. I started off strong when I bought that bag of Lindt truffles for the babysitter, but since we got sick and told her to stay away, her gift no longer exists.

So mum's the word, ok? I mean, eet eez ok?


Mrs. Tuna said...

Shhhhhh....I'm not telling.

Frogs in my formula said...

Merci Madame Tuna!

Pricilla said...

You can sleep in the barn with Nora and me

Mama Badger said...

Good by me, eh? I'd offer a place in Ohio, but you'd just come to find more phlegm.

VandyJ said...

As turbo was a vomiting king last night, can I come with you?

Sara said...

Mum is the word! Hope everyone gets over the sickies soon. Amazon Prime and three hours of shopping online got me done for Christmas. Good luck!

SmartBear said...

Run girl! Run for the border!
Sigh...hope you are all better soon.

Small Town Mommy said...

Can I go to Canada with you? I started out strong for the holidays but then a huge work project came on board. I just realized that Christmas is a week away, I have 17 people coming over and I have no idea what to feed them. Oh yea, a bunch of them are staying overnight so they are going to expect breakfast too. Did I mention that my youngest has half days all this week? So please can I come with you? I'll even take your phlegm.

Leanne said...

Yep, we're all super friendly up here so my guest room is yours. Here's hoping you feel better soon. Hugs. Oh, and on line Christmas shopping, seriously rocks!

judemiller1 said...

I've got the creeping crud too--if you let me come with you, I promise to help baby sit. I don't want to be here for Christmas anyway!

Sparkling said...

You had me at JE.

I agree, all of those Canadian bloggers are so much fun! have you been to inthepowderroom? They have some brits on there too that are hysterical.

Oh but I shouldn't get you laughing too hard, with all that phlegm, you might drown. Not envying you right now. Not one bit.

Frogs in my formula said...

Wow, looks like I'd have a lot of traveling companions. Interesting.