Sunday, March 13, 2011

Honey, can you cut a hole in the window so I can get some fresh air?

I'm back from spending a very colorful week with my mother and the kids, and I have the pictures to prove it (just wait). I can't say enough good things about getting away, even if it was to Assachusetts. There's a big world out there. New possibilities. Vast horizons.

I came home ready to move. Ass on fire. Balls to the wall. Let's do it.

I guess the universe read my Dear John letter to Mulletville and thought I needed just a little bit more fire in my ass. When Chuck and I woke up this morning, we found that our car window had been smashed and that someone had stolen our GPS. The idiot cut the GPS cable, so the GPS is useless.

So fitting.

Chuck was outside at 7:45 a.m. duct taping the window, since rain was in the forecast.

I've decided that if life in Mulletville were to have a theme song it would be a rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas." One home invasion, two broken windows, three smashed pumpkins, four toothless crackheads, and an angry man with a shotgun (that'd be Chuck).

We got to see the Mulletville police for the last time when we filled out the report (at least I hope it's the last time). It's funny, I was going to dedicate a post to them before we moved. For some reason all the Mulletville policemen are hot, young and buff; I thought that warranted a gushy post. They barrel around town, chewed up pavement hissing from their wheels. They're at your side in a split second. My friend swears she saw a squad car that read "Don't even try it!" They could be the new TJ Hooker stars.

Or not.

Anyway, I promise this is my last post about this horrible town. I was done at Halloween for fuck's sake. I'm starting to sound like a woman who can't break up with her loser boyfriend. I'm that friend.

And now I have to go back to reading maps. Bastards!


Pricilla said...

So they were so stupid they stole something they now can't use?

So you are telling us that even the crooks in mulletville are dumber than posts?


So sorry about your car.

Mrs. Tuna said...

I've sure you've learned some kick ass new skills to take with you to the new hood.

LAB said...

Are you sure you're ready to leave? With that duct-taped window you fit right in now!

Katherine said...

You would think thieves might know a little about the stuff their stealing to make sure they can get some money out of it. Or maybe I'm just giving them too much credit.

Duck Tape is a wonderful thing.

SmartBear said...

I am so impressed with your husband's mad duct tape skills, I can't even focus on the fact that some dumbass stole your GPS.
So sorry, friend. Hope the move goes deserve it.

Leanne said...

Reading maps, while talking on the phone, sushing a baby, answering toddler questions and driving can be done. It's just that you're gonna see how hot those police people are in the new hood faster. :)

kyooty said...

Sorry about your increased vandalism

Twisted Cinderella said...

Oh no! Sorry about your car.

Jen said...

Sorry about the car but yay on the move! Of course what will you complain about now? Maybe you should stay in Mulletville.

tootertotz said...

Guess this blows the sentimental post from a little while back into it's place....good, now you can leave Mulletville without any looking back!

Sorry the jackasses had to wreck the car and make off with the worthless GPS. On the other hand, you gotta love when dipshits make their own karma...just not when it involves your stuff!

The Mother said...

Thieves are so stupid. One broke into my son's car and stole the CORD to the laser detector and the XM radio--without the cord (or the code).

Both completely useless.

Man! There are a lot of holes in my neighborhood

Our young neighbors Bob and Claire are wonderful —which is a fricken relief because we basically share a yard. A flat, treeless yard. When ...