Yesterday was my first day back at work after being out sick for more than a week. I must have reeked of germs because no one would come into my office. Instead people stood outside my glass door and mouthed their questions or gestured. I now know exactly what a fish in a fish tank feels like.
Sometimes I pretended I didn’t understand what someone was trying to tell me. It’s amazing how many different ways a patient person will try to mouth and/or gesture “print 50 more brochures?” I learned a lot about the temperaments of my co-workers. Sandy from downstairs? Not so patient. After I made my I-don’t-know-what-you’re-asking-me face for the fifth time, she was on the verge of giving me a different kind of hand gesture.
I’m always disappointed when people named Sandy aren’t super cheery. Sandys and Louies. Actually no, scratch that. I went to school with a kid named Louie. He had cauliflower ear. That’s a good reason to not be cheery.
Last week at this time Junior was puking on me and I was lamenting my transition to 35. I can proudly say that I have never been happier to have aged a week. Our house is vomit-free, and my hot glue gun is working wonders on my wrinkles.
Chuck told me once that the memory of a goldfish lasts two seconds. That made me feel better about goldfish being trapped in bowls until Chuck said, “What if the goldfish’s recurrent thought is, ‘Shit, this sucks’?”
That’s kind of how I felt at work. Without the crusty castle to hide in.
