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About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Damn those cracked nipples

The bedroom door was closed and it was very, very quiet—both telltale signs that something was amiss. My son was supposed to be putting on his pajamas.

I knocked gently.




I knocked louder. The door swung open. Junior stood there in his pajama bottoms. His shirt was nowhere to be seen.

"It's not working!" he shouted.

"What's not working?"

He pointed to his nipple. "Nothing's coming out!"


"I'm milking myself," he said, like I was an idiot, "and nothing is happening."

"Junior, honey, only moms can make milk. Not little boys or even dads."

He threw his hands up in the air. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

I'm going to go ahead and file this one under "Things I didn't think I'd need to explain."

Funny, isn't it, what we take for granted?


Kat Rainville said...

You can tell him the milk he was looking for just came out of my nose. Thanks for that.

Elizabeth said...

I'm sure you really don't want to know this, but alarmingly enough, apparently men can lactate. Seriously. I know, it's enough to make you want to puke, but aside from a few weird, isolated hormonal issues in the developed world, there are evidently these tribes in Africa where the men do that. No, I don't recall the details of how this is achieved, and don't really want to, but apparently men actually do have milk glands too, and if you suck on anyone's nipples hard enough, long enough, and consistently enough, they will start producing milk. It's been years since I read this, and the only reason I probably remember is because it skeeved me out so badly.

Sparkling said...

Awesome. It's funny that it took him all this time to try it. I would have expected that as soon as you first nursed Diddlydoo. Glad you're back in the blogosphere on a more regular basis. Yours is one of the first blogs I ever read on a regular basis and I'd be sad to let it go.

VandyJ said...

The issues little boys have. We discussed nipple just the other day--girls have bigger ones than boys, but everyone has them.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Yeah, duh, mom. You totally dropped the ball on that one.
It should go like this...
"the sky is blue. baby dogs are called puppies. milk doesn't come out of boy boobies."

Mommy Cracked said...

OMG...crying laughing!! That is too funny!

Leanne said...

Well, at least he didn't ask you why he had them if they weren't going to work....

And besides, you ARE supposed to think of everything, you are the MOM you know. :)

SmartBear said...

That is awesome. Just....awesome. Seriously, you couldn't have told him sooner? Poor kid thought he was lactation challenged.

Pricilla said...

I guess he wanted to help you....

Merphin said...

oh yes and right up there with that is "Don't worry Mummy - Daddy can have the baby for you so you can come with my class on the trip!" Very interesting conversation about how babies are born and that Daddies and little boys don't have babies.