Thursday, November 17, 2011

The most compelling turkey story you'll ever read

I am so excited. After three months of trying I, Mrs. Mullet, have finally gotten my name on the fucking snack sign-up sheet at my son’s nursery school.

Three months.

Aren't you excited for me?

I’m bringing in turkey rolls, to be exact, to be eaten by the little darlings after their Thanksgiving skit. Delicious, condiment- and cheese-free turkey rolls. Mmmmm.

You would think that the desire to contribute snacks is one that would be easily appeased, but getting on that sign-up sheet has been absurdly difficult.

You see, of all the nursery school moms, I am one of two that works.

Oh, shut up. This isn't going to be an us vs. them post. It's about turkey, for Pete's sake!

I wasn’t being stereotypical when I mentioned that my eye candy is limited to stay-at-home moms in yoga pants. Literally, there’s a yoga class held next door to the nursery school during class time; they all walk over together and work out.

(Who, me, jealous?)

During morning drop-off, I bring Junior into the school, kiss him good-bye, then look at my watch and realize I have 10 minutes in which to make a 20-minute drive. At the exact moment I make that realization, the teacher reminds everyone that the upcoming week’s snack sign-up sheet has just been posted on the bulletin board.

As the other women amble over to the board and casually discuss whether they’ll bring in cupcakes or graham crackers, I trip my way out the door, over children and over more women in yoga pants. By the time I make my way back to the sign-up sheet at the next day’s drop-off, there are no empty slots. Not even for sliced fruit!

Is it so wrong that I want a turn to slice the damn fruit?

Then, this morning, in a cosmic occurrence similar to that of Mars aligning with Saturn, the teacher announced the sign-up sheet posting as I was walking in. Heavens to Betsy!

I shoved Junior out of the way, ran over and wrote in my name. In big letters. Huge letters. Turkey rolls: MRS. FRICKEN MULLET. YES! I WILL BRING IN TURKEY ROLLS. MRS. MULLET WAS HERE. 2011.

I turned around, immensely satisfied. I’m not sure what I expected. Applause? Nods of approval that yes, working mothers can feed children too?

No one cared. And really, it’s silly of me to expect them to.

But I care. And that’s all that matters.

Now step away from the sign-up sheet.


VandyJ said...

Those will be the best darn turkey rolls ever.

Pricilla said...

Yay for turkey rolls and I am sure they will be filled with love.

Or was that just too much?

SmartBear said...

I am laughing so hard because the SAME thing happened to me this week! And the yoga pants girls...ohmygawd. Do we live in the same hood?
I got so excited to bring the damn snack, I went overboard. You know, like...look at me! I CANS bring AWESOME snacks and work a crazy day and fry the turkey bacon up in a pan. LOL.
Go turkey rolls!

Mama Badger said...

Dude, come to our daycare. We have just the opposite problem. That sheet can sit on the door for DAYS sometimes even a WEEK before any of us will commit to remember to bring something in. Could be because almost all of us work. Could be that we're just lazy.

Moms in yoga pants, huh? Sounds like a YouTube satire waiting to happen.

Leigh Anne said...

I would very much like to be a stay-at-home mom in yoga pants, but my husband keeps reminding me that I don't have any yoga pants. Or kids.

Sparkling said...

Love it. And be sure they are free of everything. No wheat. No sugar. No nuts. No taste. Don't you love America???

Mrsbear said...

Condiment and cheese-free? You've sold me.

I'm sure you will rock the turkey rolls, as much rocking as can be done without disregarding any of the dietary restrictions.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Don't forget to where you hairnet. Hygiene is everything with those mommies.

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