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About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Please love socks forever, please love socks forever...

I keep a little pair of socks in a little bowl on my night stand. I keep them there because changing Everett's clothes or diaper is a major pain in my ass. He won't lie still. He thinks that flailing his arms and legs is a game. He likes to kick.

I've never mud wrestled or hog tied anything, but I imagine that this is what it's like. Reasoning with him doesn't work. Singing to him does nothing. He's impervious to "no" and "please stop."

So yes, socks.

This is what I do: I lie him down on the bed. As soon as he starts to squirm or flip over, I grab the socks and put them over his hands like mitts. As he laughs and tries to get them off, I quickly—and I mean quickly—slip on his clothes, take a shot of tequila, and/or praise the Heavens that this sock-on-hands game has worked again.

I know one day it won't.

I dread that day.

But let's not think about that right now. Let's think ahead to the day that Everett enrolls in puppet school so he can pursue his childhood dream of becoming a puppeteer. Guess what? I'm going to take full credit for birthing the next Jim Henson. I mean really, how great am I? Employing the age-old art of distraction and instilling in him a love of the arts.

We're seconds away from cotton ball eyes and pipe cleaner mouths! Seconds

Motherhood: we so rock this shit sometimes.


Patty Woodland said...

Mmmm, tequila

Mom of A and a said...

At least he never did what my younger son did...reach down to grab his dirty diaper and then twirl it with contents all over the place!!

Small Town Mommy said...

I love the sock idea. Keeps him busy and trapped all at the same time. When he's a famous puppeteer, we can all say we knew him when.

mischy said...

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Tequila for courage. lol Love your socks idea. How did you thought of that? I'm curious.

Lisa said...

Glimmer Train, David Sedaris AND Real Simple. You really do rock.

Lisa said...

Glimmer Train, David Sedaris AND Real Simple? AND socks? You really do rock.

Lisa said...

God, what idiot posts three times because she thinks her comment isn't sticking and who clearly didn't read the note about comment moderation??

Dan C. said...

Ha! Love your ending comment. As my wife said in Heroic moments in parenting, "I saved the hell out of that sippy cup."